1/9/15
Blog? A new life
1/8/13
Feel Again
Happy New Year everyone! I am so grateful, blessed, content, and optimistic. My Creator is so amazing. I cannot even put it into words.....but here's my best attempt....
It started Saturday December 29th - what would have been the Wedding day. I sleepily opened my eyes, and what did they see? POURING rain outside, gloomy dark clouds, and the soothing sound of my favorite kind of weather. I instantly started laughing while my head was still on the pillow. My Creator speaks through weather.........what a feeling...I can't quite emphasize how life altering it was. .......it was a beautiful weekend. Saw Les Mis with Mom, indoor climbing, a ladies night out country dancing, and a long refreshing and serene hike to spend some time with God. I did all the things that remind me why I am grateful, what brings spark and zeal to my life, and what is authentic and important to me.
I had a moment when I looked in the mirror and loved what I saw - truly- I am what God has intended me to be, and that is the greatest comfort and gift. This is the first time in my life I have been aware and appreciative of the unconditional love all around me. I knew, without a doubt, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment in the mirror. Happy tears.
Then there was New Years Eve - danced the night away at a vintage/dance event with one of my Besties (my other Bestie was greatly missed!). It was exactly what I needed, new place, new experiences, dancing, and feeling connected and authentic. I am finally living....or rather...I am finally accepting and loving of myself and what I truly need and want. I am grateful for the roller coaster of 2012 because without it I would not have the clarity and positivity of today.
For my amazing friends who I know are reading this, I just want you to know - that whether I have dipped off the radar or just re-appeared, you are so very important to me. You have helped me through this entire ordeal by just being there, listening, crying with me, letting me be silent, accepting me with patience and kindness and a loving hug. Without amazing people and unconditional love like this...I would have fallen apart.....several times.
Words cannot express my thanks.
I love you with every fiber of my being :)
I look ahead and see nothing but opportunities for growth, a life full of life, love, and devoid of regret and guilt, and, finally, knowing who I am, what I need and want, and what I am capable of.....while accepting that there is always room to grow. Never let go of the ability to grow.......
This song pretty much says it all.......
It started Saturday December 29th - what would have been the Wedding day. I sleepily opened my eyes, and what did they see? POURING rain outside, gloomy dark clouds, and the soothing sound of my favorite kind of weather. I instantly started laughing while my head was still on the pillow. My Creator speaks through weather.........what a feeling...I can't quite emphasize how life altering it was. .......it was a beautiful weekend. Saw Les Mis with Mom, indoor climbing, a ladies night out country dancing, and a long refreshing and serene hike to spend some time with God. I did all the things that remind me why I am grateful, what brings spark and zeal to my life, and what is authentic and important to me.
I had a moment when I looked in the mirror and loved what I saw - truly- I am what God has intended me to be, and that is the greatest comfort and gift. This is the first time in my life I have been aware and appreciative of the unconditional love all around me. I knew, without a doubt, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment in the mirror. Happy tears.
Then there was New Years Eve - danced the night away at a vintage/dance event with one of my Besties (my other Bestie was greatly missed!). It was exactly what I needed, new place, new experiences, dancing, and feeling connected and authentic. I am finally living....or rather...I am finally accepting and loving of myself and what I truly need and want. I am grateful for the roller coaster of 2012 because without it I would not have the clarity and positivity of today.
For my amazing friends who I know are reading this, I just want you to know - that whether I have dipped off the radar or just re-appeared, you are so very important to me. You have helped me through this entire ordeal by just being there, listening, crying with me, letting me be silent, accepting me with patience and kindness and a loving hug. Without amazing people and unconditional love like this...I would have fallen apart.....several times.
Words cannot express my thanks.
I love you with every fiber of my being :)
I look ahead and see nothing but opportunities for growth, a life full of life, love, and devoid of regret and guilt, and, finally, knowing who I am, what I need and want, and what I am capable of.....while accepting that there is always room to grow. Never let go of the ability to grow.......
This song pretty much says it all.......
2/29/12
Pretender - break out of it!
I used to not like this song so much....I thought Foo Fighters was going down a strange road of musicality that I could not appreciate. Then I listened to the lyrics, and watched the video and an interesting interview with their lead singer, Dave Grohl. I usually come back to the same songs in life when I'm needing a kick, or getting ready for some healthy, serious, break out of the mold changes.
Pretender is about the defeat in hiding from the skeletons in your closet, putting on the mask that everyone wears everyday, and having the conviction to not be wrapped up/ captured in your life by this. It speaks about how we all do it, they all do it, and how we are the faces we have to face.... and Dave Grohl pleadingly screams at us to figure out who we are in the cycle and to break it. It's fantastic if you are feeling stuck and need an upbeat powerful tune for kicking your own bum in the gym, and in life.
Yep. I'm a closet Foo Fighters fan ;)Give it a listen below.
Pretender is about the defeat in hiding from the skeletons in your closet, putting on the mask that everyone wears everyday, and having the conviction to not be wrapped up/ captured in your life by this. It speaks about how we all do it, they all do it, and how we are the faces we have to face.... and Dave Grohl pleadingly screams at us to figure out who we are in the cycle and to break it. It's fantastic if you are feeling stuck and need an upbeat powerful tune for kicking your own bum in the gym, and in life.
Yep. I'm a closet Foo Fighters fan ;)Give it a listen below.
2/28/12
April 2009 Big Sur Marathon experience.....it is calling me.....
I had always hoped I would be able to share my marathon experience somehow because it is not describable ...and then I found these 3 excellent videos on Youtube...covering the whole marathon in less than 15 short minutes. While I watch this.....I am reminded that my mind is stronger than it is presently, and that I can break out and surprise myself.....I wish I had this video BEFORE I did the marathon! Such great points and insight!
Hurricane point (on video 2) was literally the most physically and mentally challenging moment of my entire life..mile 10 to 13..30 minutes of battling with myself about quitting, that I could never finish, that the hills were too steep and that I could not lean forward and cut through the wind, and that my body was not built to run like runners do...thank God for the drummers music, the signs, the inspirational sayings, and the amazing runners beside me. When you all have one goal, which is to finish, you are instantly surrounded by team mates in a marathon.
Bixby Bridge at mile 13 was the best cry I ever had in regards to accomplishing something I thought was impossible (13 miles being my first half marathon - and going forward to finish the whole marathon), and the piano player in the middle of the bridge smiling at everyone, the ocean beneath me and the blue sky above was ethereal.
Lastly, the bag piper at mile 25 hill was genius - it instantly connected my mind with a pride to be great and the mantra 'pain is temporary pride is forever' (thank you Glendora high school color guard and Mike Inzunza)that pushed myself and my running partner at that point to the finish ...whomever created the course to have a HILL at mile 25...not so genius!! (A marathon is 26.2 miles!). I ran this marathon in 5:50 which was not a qualifying time for a medal, which meant when I got to the end of the race I did not get a medal. This, at the time, felt like an immense failure....but looking back, the fact that I finished was what was key. I focused too much on time, and too little on the experience and happenings around me. Good lessons come from looking back, right?
The views were amazing, but for a first time marathon I would not recommend Big Sur, you need to be conditioned for this challenging course...this lady plans to do it once more after a bit more training and experience with serious hills, wind, and elevation changes. I'm happy that I finished - and I know I can do it again.
It's officially time for a new pair of running shoes. 3 years recovering my foot and being away seems long enough. Ace, if you are reading this....it can come out of the wedding flowers budget :) Haha! So...next year I plan to do a half marathon. That will be the start :)
Hurricane point (on video 2) was literally the most physically and mentally challenging moment of my entire life..mile 10 to 13..30 minutes of battling with myself about quitting, that I could never finish, that the hills were too steep and that I could not lean forward and cut through the wind, and that my body was not built to run like runners do...thank God for the drummers music, the signs, the inspirational sayings, and the amazing runners beside me. When you all have one goal, which is to finish, you are instantly surrounded by team mates in a marathon.
Bixby Bridge at mile 13 was the best cry I ever had in regards to accomplishing something I thought was impossible (13 miles being my first half marathon - and going forward to finish the whole marathon), and the piano player in the middle of the bridge smiling at everyone, the ocean beneath me and the blue sky above was ethereal.
Lastly, the bag piper at mile 25 hill was genius - it instantly connected my mind with a pride to be great and the mantra 'pain is temporary pride is forever' (thank you Glendora high school color guard and Mike Inzunza)that pushed myself and my running partner at that point to the finish ...whomever created the course to have a HILL at mile 25...not so genius!! (A marathon is 26.2 miles!). I ran this marathon in 5:50 which was not a qualifying time for a medal, which meant when I got to the end of the race I did not get a medal. This, at the time, felt like an immense failure....but looking back, the fact that I finished was what was key. I focused too much on time, and too little on the experience and happenings around me. Good lessons come from looking back, right?
The views were amazing, but for a first time marathon I would not recommend Big Sur, you need to be conditioned for this challenging course...this lady plans to do it once more after a bit more training and experience with serious hills, wind, and elevation changes. I'm happy that I finished - and I know I can do it again.
It's officially time for a new pair of running shoes. 3 years recovering my foot and being away seems long enough. Ace, if you are reading this....it can come out of the wedding flowers budget :) Haha! So...next year I plan to do a half marathon. That will be the start :)
2/22/12
Real Friends
Real friends.
They give you perspective. They provide the best hugs on earth, a caring ear to listen, a loving 'kick in the pants', a carefully timed word of wisdom, a wake up call, sometimes they drag you out of bed (kicking and screaming) - out into the daylight, sometimes they give you a safe place to escape when it gets to be too much, friends call you at 5 pm to see what you are doing at 6, they are essential wonderful blessings, they pull your covers when you need to get real. Friends pick up the phone when a text is not enough, and show up when you don't pick up. I am so thankful for ever present friends...through trials, life, wedding planning, and more life. I'm a lucky gal.
They give you perspective. They provide the best hugs on earth, a caring ear to listen, a loving 'kick in the pants', a carefully timed word of wisdom, a wake up call, sometimes they drag you out of bed (kicking and screaming) - out into the daylight, sometimes they give you a safe place to escape when it gets to be too much, friends call you at 5 pm to see what you are doing at 6, they are essential wonderful blessings, they pull your covers when you need to get real. Friends pick up the phone when a text is not enough, and show up when you don't pick up. I am so thankful for ever present friends...through trials, life, wedding planning, and more life. I'm a lucky gal.
9/27/11
Valuable
A woman is talking to a man and pulls out a one hundred dollar bill and asks him "Do you want this?"
The man replies " Do I want a one hundred dollar bill?? Of course I do!"
The woman proceeds to throw the dollar bill on the floor and asks " Do you still want it now?"
The man replies " Absolutely, with this economy?? I'll take it!"
The woman picks up the dollar bill, crumples it in her hand, throws it on the ground, steps and jumps on top of it.
"Do you still want it?"
The man replies " No matter how you wrinkle, squish, smash, or tweak it, it is still just as valuable! Hand it over!"
So...why is it that no matter how it is treated...the dollar bill never loses it's value...but the second life - or - someone twists, smashes, wrinkles or squishes us - we view ourselves as less valuable?
Bad day, but that is why I am thankful for friends who will take the time to leave me with nuggets like this one.
No matter what, I am valuable. I will not let my job, a person, or a circumstance take that away.
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