It started Saturday December 29th - what would have been the Wedding day. I sleepily opened my eyes, and what did they see? POURING rain outside, gloomy dark clouds, and the soothing sound of my favorite kind of weather. I instantly started laughing while my head was still on the pillow. My Creator speaks through weather.........what a feeling...I can't quite emphasize how life altering it was. .......it was a beautiful weekend. Saw Les Mis with Mom, indoor climbing, a ladies night out country dancing, and a long refreshing and serene hike to spend some time with God. I did all the things that remind me why I am grateful, what brings spark and zeal to my life, and what is authentic and important to me.
I had a moment when I looked in the mirror and loved what I saw - truly- I am what God has intended me to be, and that is the greatest comfort and gift. This is the first time in my life I have been aware and appreciative of the unconditional love all around me. I knew, without a doubt, that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment in the mirror. Happy tears.
Then there was New Years Eve - danced the night away at a vintage/dance event with one of my Besties (my other Bestie was greatly missed!). It was exactly what I needed, new place, new experiences, dancing, and feeling connected and authentic. I am finally living....or rather...I am finally accepting and loving of myself and what I truly need and want. I am grateful for the roller coaster of 2012 because without it I would not have the clarity and positivity of today.
For my amazing friends who I know are reading this, I just want you to know - that whether I have dipped off the radar or just re-appeared, you are so very important to me. You have helped me through this entire ordeal by just being there, listening, crying with me, letting me be silent, accepting me with patience and kindness and a loving hug. Without amazing people and unconditional love like this...I would have fallen apart.....several times.
Words cannot express my thanks.
I love you with every fiber of my being :)
I look ahead and see nothing but opportunities for growth, a life full of life, love, and devoid of regret and guilt, and, finally, knowing who I am, what I need and want, and what I am capable of.....while accepting that there is always room to grow. Never let go of the ability to grow.......
This song pretty much says it all.......
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